The Distortion of Reality: How Expectations Impact Our Lives and 5 Lessons to Successfully Transform Your Mindset

Both internal and externally imposed expectations can profoundly alter our experiences and perceptions. Expectations can eclipse our perception of reality, whether they come from the pressure to live up to social norms of success, the need for perfection in interpersonal relationships, or the pursuit of impossibly lofty objectives.

In today's world of social media and hyperconnection, there is a widespread culture of perfection and comparison that warp our reality. We are inundated with tales and images that present an idealized depiction of life; as a result, we internalize these norms and patterns, and hold ourselves to impossible standards of appearance and accomplishment that can be deeply harmful, sometimes starting at early stages of our lives.

The relentless pursuit of these unrealistic standards can result in a constant feeling of inadequacy and failure. Whether it's the pressure to excel in our careers, maintain a flawless appearance, or uphold an idyllic family life, the gap between these expectations and our lived experiences can breed discontent and self-doubt for ages, and impact our relationships, social performance, mental health and ability to enjoy life.

Recognizing the impact of expectations on our reality is the first step towards reclaiming agency over our experiences. By acknowledging how expectations and external criteria have shaped our beliefs and emotions, we can begin to challenge their influence and cultivate a more authentic understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

As a daughter, mother, wife, entrepreneur and woman, I have experienced the overwhelming pressure of expectations and the consequences that are still lingering around. The constant feeling of defeat, frustration, and sadness led me to believe that I was failing in every aspect of my life. It seemed like I was living the same day over and over again, trapped in a cycle of unmet expectations. These emotions not only affected my own well-being but also impacted how I interacted with my children and my husband.

Upon reflection, I realized that it was the unrealistic expectations I had set for myself that were distorting my reality. The stories I told myself about what it meant to be a perfect mother, wife, and woman were fueling my negative emotions, plus the expectation I set for my professional path – and let me tell you, growing a business is not easy, and without changing my belief system I wouldn’t have been able to make it through – It was at this point that I understood the profound impact of expectations on our perception of reality.

After a lot of self-work and transformation, I came up with 5 game-changing key understandings that emerged from this experience and I want to share with you:

1. Our frustrations and negative thoughts are often rooted in the stories we tell ourselves. It’s crucial to question the validity of these stories and challenge their accuracy.

2. We possess the power to make the changes we desire in our lives. By acknowledging this, we can take proactive steps toward a more fulfilling reality, based on our own beliefs and not the imprints of the exterior.

3. External influences should not dictate our thoughts, actions, or beliefs. It is essential to cultivate a sense of autonomy and independence in shaping our narrative. I’m not saying that all external influences are bad but when we find ourselves in this losing game, even though we’re trying hard to feel good about stuff, it’s time to start a mental diet, declutter our influences and set boundaries in order to protect our new mindset.

4. Trusting oneself is fundamental in navigating the complexities of life. By developing self-trust, confidence and a strong understanding of oneself, we can confidently pursue our aspirations and overcome the obstacles created by unrealistic expectations and harmful opinions.

5. “I deserve to have the life that I dream of.” It’s not a delusional thought, you deserve it and whatever works for you and excites you, is exactly what you should attract, you don’t rely on external validation.

Now, as a coach, I have learned valuable lessons and techniques from this journey that I believe can benefit others who may be grappling with similar challenges. Here are some positive tips to consider:

- Embrace Self-Compassion: Instead of harsh self-judgment, practice self-compassion. Understand that it is okay to make mistakes and that imperfection is a natural part of being human.

- Set Realistic Goals: Rather than striving for unattainable perfection, set realistic and achievable goals for yourself. Celebrate small victories along the way and acknowledge your progress.

- Seek Support: It is important to seek support from loved ones, friends, or professional mentors. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can provide encouragement and perspective during challenging times and distance yourself from anything (or anyone) that doesn’t represent that.

Note: This is a tough one for some but will make or break your game, trust me!

- Practice Mindfulness: Engaging in mindfulness practices can help you stay present and grounded. By focusing on the present moment, you can alleviate the burden of unrealistic expectations that often stem from dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Try journaling and practicing EFT Tapping to help you rewire your thoughts.

- Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a priority in your daily routine. Whether it involves exercise, meditation, hobbies, or simply taking time for yourself, self-care is essential for maintaining emotional well-being and looks different for everyone; stick to what serves you.

In today’s fast-paced and high-achieving world infused with hustle culture, “picture-perfect” lives shared on social media, and empty promises that sound too good to be true but get a ton of reactions online, try focusing a bit less on the outside and whatever you see online and a bit more on you, your energy, aspirations, family and true friends. As a gift to you, this FREE EFT Tapping Guide will help you vanish self-doubt to make space for a new mindset.

I’m Kim Keane, coach, mom and entrepreneur, and I dealt with insane expectations from an early age too, my internal monologue was quite hard on myself at some point, it was unbearable at times but I learned how to use that experience for the better. Now my life’s a lot different and, even though sometimes expectations make me feel weird, they don’t run my life anymore. I’d love to help you break free from that burden!