Deeply Loved and Cared For: A Journey of Self-Discovery, Empathy and Appreciation
As a coach and a woman who has been through a deep healing journey, I have always strived to empower others to find their voice and value in the world. However, there was a time in my life when I struggled with feeling unappreciated and not cared about, despite my efforts to uplift those around me and be a “great” mother, daughter, wife and professional. This struggle stemmed from deeply rooted past experiences where I felt unheard, invalidated, and unseen.
One particular instance that stands out is my relationship with my husband. At some point, I found myself constantly feeling like he didn't understand or care about what I was going through. I would pour my heart out to him, seeking empathy and validation, only to be met with what I perceived as indifference or lack of concern. This left me feeling isolated and unappreciated, fueling a sense of resentment and frustration within me.
I internalized these feelings, believing that I was not worthy of appreciation or empathy, and at the same time, there was a very present feeling of solitude because I slowly stopped sharing what I was going through in fear of becoming a burden to him. I began to doubt my own value and started to question whether my efforts were truly making a difference or not. It was a dark and lonely place to be, trapped in a cycle of seeking validation from others while neglecting my own needs for self-care and self-compassion.
However, through this struggle, I learned some valuable lessons:
The importance of self-compassion and self-validation.
The immense weight that comes from assuming stuff.
The difference between communication and comprehension. The second is what really makes the difference when dealing with relational issues of this sort and 7/10 times, discomfort arises when the message being communicated is just coming through.
I realized that seeking external validation and appreciation will never fill the void within me because I was the first one to deprive myself of what I needed at the moment, to begin with, which eventually became a barrier that isolated me and kept me in constant survival mode, perceiving everything that sounded somewhat off as an attack. The first major lesson here is that true healing and growth come from within, from learning to appreciate and validate oneself, regardless of how others may perceive or treat us, and despite perceiving an altered version of the facts projected by the influence of trauma responses, triggers, insecurities, etcetera.
I also came to understand that my husband's perceived lack of empathy was not a reflection of his feelings towards me, but rather a combination of his own struggles in expressing emotions and my insecurities. By opening up honest and vulnerable conversations with him, I discovered that he did care deeply about me and was willing to support me in any way he could. It was a profound realization that helped me break free from the chains of self-doubt and insecurity.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, feeling unappreciated and not cared about, chances are that, in reality, nothing’s exactly as you think and here are some tips that may help you improve the situation:
1. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a close friend. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and give yourself the love and care you deserve.
2. Communicate openly: Share your thoughts and emotions with your partner or loved ones. Be honest and clear about how you feel and what you need from them. Building open and honest communication may not be easy at first but can strengthen your relationships significantly and foster empathy.
3. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Learn to say no to things that drain your energy and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. If a conversation is not nurturing and you need a break, it is better to take some time and go back to the conversation after that instead of letting the moment take the wrong turn and escalate into a conflict caused by a misunderstanding.
4. Seek support: Reach out to a therapist, coach, or trusted friend for guidance and support. Having a safe space to express your feelings can help you navigate difficult emotions, gain clarity on your needs, and find more effective communication methods.
5. Practice gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life and relationships. Cultivate a sense of gratitude for the love and support that surrounds you, even in moments of struggle. Having a gratitude journal is always a great idea to express gratitude as a habit.
Remember, you are worthy of love, appreciation, and empathy, and that the people around you deserve it too. By embracing your own value and nurturing your emotional well-being, you can break free from the cycle of seeking validation from others and find true fulfillment within yourself. Embrace your journey of self-discovery with compassion and courage, knowing that you are deserving of all the love and care in the world, and see how your relationships become more nurturing and expansive.