Elevating Life with Standards Instead of Expectations: A Personal Journey of Transformation
In a world filled with pressures to meet expectations set by society, family, and even ourselves, it can be easy to fall into the trap of constantly striving to live up to these often unattainable standards. However, what if we shifted our focus from expectations to standards? What if we embraced a mindset that prioritizes personal growth, self-love, and authenticity over the need to meet external demands? Join me on a transformative journey as I share how making this shift has changed my life for the better.
Let’s begin understanding the differences between these terms:
Expectations are often externally imposed beliefs or assumptions about how we should act, look, or behave in certain situations. They can create pressure, stress, and feelings of inadequacy when we fail to meet them. On the other hand, standards are internal guidelines that we set for ourselves based on our values, beliefs, and aspirations. They serve as a compass for how we want to live our lives and the kind of person we strive to be.
In an episode of my podcast, I shared a personal story about how my unrealistic expectations of myself led to missed opportunities for joy and connection. The pressure to meet these expectations left me feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and disconnected from the present moment. It was a wake-up call that forced me to reevaluate my approach to life and relationships.
In addition to managing unrealistic expectations, I found myself caught in a cycle of codependency with ineffective strategies for coping with stress and uncertainty. Codependency is a pattern of behavior where individuals prioritize the needs of others over their own, often at the expense of their well-being. This unhealthy dynamic can lead to feelings of resentment, powerlessness, and a lack of boundaries in relationships but when you’re dealing with unhealed trauma and negative environments, the biggest and most difficult task is to acknowledge all of this and rewire your brain with new, fresher and more positive beliefs.
Through introspection and self-reflection, I realized that I needed to shift my focus from external expectations to internal standards rooted in self-love, authenticity, and personal growth. By setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-care, and prioritizing my well-being, I began to cultivate a sense of empowerment and agency in my life and I want to share with you the exact step-by-step I used to replace expectations with standards:
Step 1: Identify Your Expectations
Take some time to reflect on the expectations you have set for yourself and others in various aspects of your life, such as relationships, work, and personal goals. Write them down to gain clarity. It’s even better if you discover where they came from!
Step 2: Understand the Difference Between Expectations and Standards
Recognize that expectations are often based on external opinions/beliefs and specific outcomes or behaviors that we want to see, while standards are more about the values and principles we uphold in our lives.
Step 3: Reflect on Your Values and Priorities
Consider what values are important to you and what kind of behavior aligns with those values. This will help you establish standards that are rooted in your core beliefs.
Step 4: Define Your Standards
Based on your reflections, create a list of standards that you want to uphold in different areas of your life. These standards should focus on how you want to show up in the world and how you want to be treated by others.
Step 5: Communicate Your Standards
Share your standards with those close to you, whether it's in personal relationships or professional settings. Let them know what you expect regarding behavior and how you plan to uphold your standards.
Step 6: Practice Self-Compassion
Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this shift from expectations to standards. It's okay to make mistakes or fall short of your standards at times. Practice self-compassion and learn from those experiences.
Step 7: Hold Yourself Accountable
Stay committed to upholding your standards and holding yourself accountable for your actions. Be willing to reassess and adjust your standards as needed to ensure they remain aligned with your values.
Step 8: Embrace Flexibility
Understand that setting standards doesn't mean being rigid or inflexible. Allow room for growth, learning, and adaptation as you navigate different situations and relationships.
Step 9: Celebrate Progress
Acknowledge and celebrate the progress you make in replacing expectations with standards. Recognize the positive impact this shift has on your relationships, mindset, and overall well-being.
By following these steps, you can gradually shift from setting expectations to establishing standards that are grounded in your values and principles. This transformation can lead to healthier relationships, improved self-awareness, and a greater sense of fulfillment in all areas of your life.
Setting standards for yourself also allows you to define your values, goals, and priorities on your own terms. It empowers you to make choices that align with your authentic self and fosters a sense of confidence and self-assurance. By holding yourself accountable to your standards, you can create a life that is meaningful, fulfilling, and true to who you are.
Expectations are often shaped by external influences such as societal norms, cultural beliefs, and past experiences. When we internalize these expectations as our own, we risk losing sight of our individuality, uniqueness, and autonomy. By recognizing that expectations are not inherently ours to carry, we can free ourselves from the burden of trying to meet unrealistic standards set by others.
As I continue on my journey of self-discovery and personal growth, I am committed to embracing standards that reflect my values, aspirations, and authenticity. By letting go of unrealistic expectations and cultivating compassion for myself, I have found a newfound sense of freedom, joy, and fulfillment in my relationships and daily life. I invite you to join me in redefining success on your own terms and embracing a mindset of standards over expectations for a life filled with purpose and meaning.
Remember, your worth is not defined by meeting external expectations but by living authentically according to your own standards. Embrace the power of self-love, compassion, and personal growth as you navigate the journey toward a more fulfilling and empowered life.