Feeling Lost: My Journey from Teaching to Finding Myself
Do you feel so lost in life, like nothing is going right for you? Maybe it’s even the darkest time you’ve ever had. I can totally relate because I was there too. Back in 2014, I left my teaching career, and I just felt so alone and like a failure. I didn’t think there was anything worth living for after that, even though, from the outside looking in, I had it all. I had a beautiful house, a loving husband, two beautiful girls, nice cars, college degrees—you know, the “white picket fence lifestyle.” But it just felt like there was something missing.
In this blog, I’m going to share with you the three reasons why I felt lost, and I hope that they help you on your journey. Make sure you keep reading because I think the third reason is going to be the most surprising!
The Fear of Change
The first reason I felt lost was because I was scared of change. I had always dreamed of being a teacher, so giving up my dream job felt super weird and awkward. I convinced myself that I’d never be able to get another job because my degrees were only good for teaching – which was a lie, btw! Sure, I had a degree in geography, so I could’ve done something else with that. But I also convinced myself that I shouldn’t leave teaching because it was a stable gig. There’s always a teacher shortage, so job security was a given. Plus, I’d be giving up summers off with my kids, winter holidays, spring break—all those times I’d need a babysitter if I had a different job.
The thought of doing anything other than teaching was absolutely terrifying, so I didn’t even let myself consider other options. I had a master’s degree in Applied Technology and Education—so many things I could do with that too! I could’ve gone into corporate training, curriculum development, instructional design. I could’ve worked remotely. There were so many possibilities, but I just couldn’t let myself think about them. In my mind, I had to be an elementary school teacher in an elementary school classroom. Period!
2. The Influence of Others
The second reason I was terrified of change? I was letting everyone else’s opinions and beliefs about my life drown out my own. I was miserable. Like, literally dying a slow death in the classroom. Unsupportive parents, unruly kids, and an administration that just didn’t have my back. It was beyond exhausting. I was so wiped out that I couldn’t even muster the energy to take care of my own kids when I got home, let alone deal with my husband’s insane work schedule. I felt like a single mom, even though I was married.
Balancing a soul-sucking job and my own kids was making me so miserable that my husband actually said, “No one wants to be around you, Kim.” That was my wake-up call. I knew I had to leave teaching. But then, my parents’ voices were on repeat in my head. I had gone to an out-of-state college and racked up a ton of student loan debt. My dad would constantly remind me, “You wasted all that student loan money. What are you gonna do about your student loans? You really should get back into the classroom. It’ll be so much better if you just found a different school.”
The pressure was real. I felt like I had to find a way back into the classroom. Meanwhile, my brain was screaming that going back was the worst idea ever. And then there was my mom’s voice: “How long can you afford to live on one income? How long until you have to go back to work and things get tight financially?” So, I had this other dialogue in my head, telling me I had to contribute financially, that being a stay-at-home mom wasn’t enough because I wasn’t bringing in a paycheck.
I was torn. Go back to a job I hated and be miserable, or sacrifice myself for financial stability and student loans. I convinced myself I had to get back into the classroom to get my parents’ approval and end that constant pressure. I thought it would also ease the pressure on my husband, even though he never said he felt that way. But with my parents’ voices in my head, I started to believe he did too. I thought, “Oh, this must be his way of telling me through them,” even though he never actually said that, and I don’t think he ever really felt that way.
3. Losing My Identity
The third reason, and probably the biggest reason I felt lost, was because my whole identity was tied up with being a teacher. I wanted to be a teacher before I even knew what school was. My dad loves to tell this story about me at three years old, lining up my stuffed animals and playing school. He was like, “How does she even know how to do that? She’s never been to school,” because I went to in-home daycares until kindergarten. But somehow, it was just in me.
And, okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but I was still playing school in the basement at 12, making my younger brother and his friends be my students. Being a teacher was all I ever wanted to be. Losing that huge part of my identity was the biggest reason I felt lost. Sure, there was the fear of change and my parents’ constant nagging about needing money and wasting my degrees. But more than anything, I thought, “If I’m not a teacher, then who the hell am I? What will I become?” I was so wrapped up in that identity that I couldn’t see myself as anything else.
I felt like a total failure as a stay-at-home mom because I wasn’t loving it, even though, hello, that’s using my teaching degrees—taking care of my little girls, giving them foundational skills, taking them to museums, basically being a homeschool mom. But I couldn’t see that because I thought I had to be an elementary school teacher in a classroom. If I wasn’t that, then I was no one. I had wrapped my entire identity—who Kim was—into being an elementary school teacher, someone who would teach until they were in their 90s, forced to retire or die of a broken hip, or be that wrinkly old hag in the school.
When that didn’t happen, it was devastating. I didn’t want to leave teaching. I bawled my eyes out the day I put in my notice, but my husband basically gave me an ultimatum. He was like, “You have got to find something else to do because you are miserable, and no one wants to be around you.” That was a hard pill to swallow because I knew I was unhappy. I knew I was miserable. I knew no one wanted to be around me. As soon as Sunday rolled around, I was this fire-breathing dragon, lashing out at people, just unhappy and a loose cannon.
I felt almost relieved that he told me it was time to quit and find something else, but also so lost because I couldn’t imagine being anything other than an elementary school teacher. That’s really where my journey began—feeling so lost without that identity. That’s why I started to feel like a failure, a loser, alone, nobody, nothing, and maybe I shouldn’t even be here anymore.
After a lot of time, inner work and transformation my life started getting better and better. I found my true passion, studied some more and fell in love with coaching and holistic practices. Now I’m a different person, a better mom, a more loving wife, and I’m sharing this story with you to let you know that it does get better, with the right company and decisions.
I’m not sure if you can relate to any of these reasons for why you feel lost, but finding the awareness, and finding the reasons why you’re feeling lost is really the first step. If you’re needing more guidance, stay tuned to next week’s blog because I’m going to share with you what these meanings are around feeling lost. There’s that sense of disappointing someone, losing your identity, and the fear of change. All of these things bubbling under the surface are actually the real reasons that we feel lost. The outside stuff—feeling like we have pressure from someone or feeling like a failure—those are all surface-level things. There’s more bubbling under the surface!
I’m Kim Keane, coach and energy healer, and I’d love to help you transform your life, your relationships and ultimately build a path toward a loving, peaceful life. DM me or email me at kim@kimkeane.com if you want to get personalized support, download my Free Everyday Spirituality Handbook or get my EFT Tapping Booster Session to continue making progress on your healing journey!