Unmasking the Roots of Anger: My Journey from Rage to Healing
I was angry all the time. It didn't matter where I was or who I was with—whether at home with my husband and daughters, at work, or even driving in traffic. Anger seemed to consume me. From the outside looking in, my life appeared pretty good. I had a loving husband, healthy kids, a stable job, a nice house, and a car. So, why was I so angry?
What I didn't realize was that my anger stemmed from unhealed childhood trauma. I had buried it deep inside for so long that it eventually began coming to the surface and manifested in everyday situations that reminded me of my past. Today I want to share with you how my journey unfolded and possibly help you release the anger, in case you’re going through something similar.
As an adult, I often felt that life was unfair, echoing my childhood experiences. At work, as a teacher, I was in a stressful environment where the administration wasn't always supportive, and parents often blamed me for their child's misbehavior. Additionally, my husband’s demanding work schedule left me feeling like a single mom, managing everything from homework to doctor's appointments on my own.
I vividly remember one moment that helped me understand that my underlying anger was a deeply ingrained belief that I was a victim of my circumstances. This belief, although rooted in past trauma, continued to influence my thoughts and behaviors because I had never dealt with it properly. I was convinced that I was at the mercy of an unfair world, even long after the traumatic events had passed. This victim mentality kept resurfacing, often being triggered by current situations that mirrored my past experiences.
Another significant part of my anger was tied to feelings of betrayal by those who were supposed to protect me when I was young—my parents. Their divorce when I was very young made me feel like an outsider. My mom’s relationship with my stepdad and their new child left me feeling sidelined. I yearned for the attention and support my brother received from my mom. Similarly, my dad’s remarriage was a source of pain. I didn’t want him to marry my stepmom and felt betrayed when he did. This feeling of betrayal was compounded by an incident in third grade when our house was broken into. Despite my initial warnings, my dad didn’t believe me until it was too late. These experiences eroded my trust and added layers to my unresolved anger.
I remember that the burglary incident left me terrified of being alone in the house. I couldn’t sleep without my dad holding my ankle until I fell asleep. Eventually, my dad and stepmom, exhausted by my fears, suggested therapy. However, instead of finding support and understanding about the situation, I felt even more betrayed. The therapist dismissed my feelings about my dad’s remarriage, telling me I had no choice but to accept it.
This dismissal and the lack of support from my parents during therapy sessions deepened my sense of isolation and mistrust. My anger continued to fester as I felt unheard and misunderstood.
It took years of self-reflection and insight from life coaching to unravel the roots of my anger. I learned that acknowledging my childhood trauma and working through those emotions was crucial for healing.
If you can relate, here are some practical steps that helped me manage my anger and could be useful for you too:
Acknowledge Your Emotions: Recognize and accept your feelings of anger. While it’s not ok to feel angry all the time, understand that it's a natural response to past trauma and current triggers, and that it can help you identify the grudges that you hold, the resentment, the fear and everything that is keeping you in a bad mental state.
Seek Professional Help: Therapy, coaching and support groups can provide a safe space to explore and address unresolved trauma. Look for a professional supporter who validates your experiences and offers empathetic support. It’s not the easiest sometimes and it might take you a couple tries to find your ideal match but please don’t feel that a bad experience with one professional will reflect your journey forever.
Life Coaching was super helpful to me, click here to learn why!
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help you stay present and manage emotional responses more effectively.
Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand and validate your feelings. Sharing your experiences with the right people can reduce feelings of isolation.
Develop Healthy Outlets: Engage in activities that help you release pent-up emotions, such as exercise, journaling, or creative hobbies that require you to be fully present (even without noticing).
Challenge Negative Beliefs: Work on reframing negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to your anger. Replace the victim mentality with a more empowering perspective. Train your mind to see more support and less betrayal, to take things less personally. Here’s a cool EFT session to help you!
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and prioritize your well-being. Setting boundaries can prevent you from feeling overwhelmed and reduce triggers for anger. If you don’t have the headspace to deal with many things at once, don’t force yourself to do so just because you think that no one can help you. I promise you that there’s always a way out!
Anger, especially when rooted in past trauma, can be overwhelming and deeply destructive. However, by understanding its source and taking proactive steps to address it, you can begin to heal and regain control over your emotions. My journey from anger to healing was not easy, but it was necessary for my well-being and for the relationships I valued, and now I’m a totally different person. If you're struggling with similar feelings, know that you're not alone, and there is hope for a brighter, more peaceful future.
Realizing the roots of my anger went deeper than unfair circumstances was a pivotal moment in my healing journey. Therapy sessions often circled back to childhood betrayals. Yet, life coaching went past that and helped acknowledge how these unprocessed emotions had shaped my adult reactions and most importantly how to change it.
For instance, as a child, I felt betrayed by my parents and other authority figures. My therapist often disregarded my feelings, telling me it was "natural" to feel replaced. This dismissal not only invalidated my feelings but also reinforced my sense of betrayal. As an adult, I craved acknowledgment and appreciation. When I didn't receive it, it echoed those childhood feelings, exacerbating my anger.
One of the biggest triggers for my anger was doing the actual healing work. I realized my parents had created codependency and anxiety within me due to their unresolved issues. Discovering generational trauma, abuse, and neglect in my family history fueled my rage. I was furious that past generations didn’t break the cycle and that it fell upon me to do so.
This awakening allowed me to see the patterns I had internalized. My body reacted to anger with a racing heart, shaky hands, and a tight chest. Recognizing these signs helped me address the root cause of my anger, which was often linked to unresolved issues from my past.
Realizing where my anger stemmed from enabled me to set boundaries. My body was signaling me to protect myself where past boundaries had been crossed. It also allowed me to bring hidden emotions to the surface, address them, and ultimately, release them. None of the past hurt was intentional—not by my parents, not by my ex, not even by the burglar. Everyone was doing their best given their circumstances.
Understanding that my anger was a result of deeply buried emotions and past experiences allowed me to move forward. I became more aware of my triggers and could manage my responses better. This journey of self-discovery and healing wasn't easy, but it was necessary to find peace. If you're struggling with anger, know that understanding its roots is the first step toward healing.
I’m Kim Keane, coach and energy healer, and I’d love to help you transform your life, your relationships and ultimately build a path toward a loving, peaceful life. DM me or email me at kim@kimkeane.com if you want to get personalized support, download my Free Everyday Spirituality Handbook or get my EFT Tapping Booster Session to continue making progress on your healing journey!